Overconfident or Delusional

Going through pregnancy I felt really good about myself for the most part. I was active and exercised up until two days before Ella was born.  I ate pretty well with only ocassional once a day sweet treats.  I gained the recommended amount of weight and figured that since I was so active that I’d have no problem getting back to my old shape and fitness level.

I’m not sure if I was overconfident or just delusional because here I am 9.5 weeks out and still about 8 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, 12 lbs from my goal weight and jiggly all over the place.  I dropped the inital 20 so fast I was like, yeah! I’ll be back in my normal clothes before I go to work no problem.  Um, not so much.  It’s been six years since the last time I had weight to lose.  I went from my heaviest ever (nonpregnant) at 149lbs:

To 125lbs. 

I looked great but I was not happy. I was restricting my eat to sometimes only 1000 calories a day and exercising for at least 2 hours every day.  I will not do that to myself again.  I can’t.

I can get into some of my old clothes but I’m seriously starting to worry that I’ll never fit into my favorite jeans again.  I keep being told I just had a baby two months ago, but will that still be an excuse when I just had a baby six months ago?  I’m way harder on myself that anyone else is. 

We bought a treadmill this weekend from Alan and Fiona, my former bosses and surrogate family during college, which is awesome!  I’ve had two very very slow runs on it.  Slow runs are better than no runs.  Hopefully when I find my groove with this whole work, baby, exercise thing the weight will just drop off.

Until then I’m trying really hard to keep reminding myself that my body is powerful, delivered a healthy baby and still needs to be fueled in order to keep my baby and myself healthy.

2 thoughts on “Overconfident or Delusional

  1. I get a little depressed when I’m trying on a size 6 and not a size 2 (ridiculous, I know). BUT, instead of thinking of it as 2 months post-partum, I think that I’ve only had 2-3 weeks of approved exercise. You can’t get to goal weight in that time. I’m sure at the six-month mark you will be looking hot.

  2. Sadly, with headlines about the miraculous weight loss of celebrities post-partum, new moms feel extra pressure to be perfect at everything! The new world of always being connected to some kind of media is self destructive. Jess, you now how much I have struggled and the toll it has taken on all of you. I know you are better mom than I was and will remember that your health and Ella’s health is dependent upon proper nutrition. Allow yourself the time you need to adjust. In only two months your life has changed DRAMATICALLY! Would you talk to a friend or loved one the way you are talking to yourself? I think not. You would be telling them how amazing they are and what a life changing experience they’d just been through. It takes about 6 months to really get into routine. This time is increased by the fact that you are a working mom. I can almost guarantee you that by her first birthday you will look and feel the best you ever have! You will be strong and fit and will marvel in the spectacular life you have created.
    No one warns us about the first three months after having a baby. I remember thinking I could wear my jeans home from the hospital when I had you. Boy was I wrong!! In addition, you are adjusting to having your life run by a completely dependent human being. Hormones are adjusting and you feel like you are having an out of body experience. If you can take a shower and put on clothes that match it’s a good day. For a woman who is used to working , running, being a wife, daughter,sister and friend and doing it all in a seemingly effortless manner you have had the rug pulled out from under you. It’s okay. Your life will never be the same and you cannot expect to do everything you were doing plus being a mom. You are one of the strongest women I know. Be confident in your ability to find the balance that is right for you.
    You are a great mom, wife, sister and daughter. I think you are just about perfect! If I could be young again I would want to be you because you have lived your life so much better than I lived mine. Remember how amazing you are. Everything else will fall into place.
    I love you Jessica! Momma

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