Dreading the Drop-off

This is kind of a strange week for me. We have a large trade show going on starting today, but I’m in town. Being in town is awesome, no travel, get to sleep in my own bed and if I forget to bring something with me to the convention center, I can swing by the office. This also means that my work hours are all jumbled.

Our show doesn’t start until this evening but I still needed to stop by the convention center to make sure our booth was up and running before heading to the office. Since I’ll be working late tonight, I let myself sleep in, you know until 6:15am. Living on the edge.

I’ll likely miss bedtime tonight so I decided I’d like to take Ella to school this morning in order to get some more time with her. Last night as I was telling Ella this she kept shaking her head and saying no. I asked her if she wanted mommy to take her to school. Very serious, lip-out, no. I asked if she wanted Daddy to take her, big smile and yes. I hate to admit it, but my feelings were a little bit hurt.

This morning we ate some breakfast together, got her ready and headed off to daycare. It was going great, got her setup with her snack at the table with her friends; I kissed her goodbye and let her know that Daddy was going to pick her up. She seemed fine until I turned to walk out of the room. Cue crying, crocodile tears and little feet running after mommy. She was so upset and would not let go of me. One of her teachers finally took her from me and distracted her. I teared up as I walked back to my car feeling horrible.

I thought her sad face during the five mile run I was able to fit it before heading to work. It wasn’t until I was talking to Josh about it when I got to my office that it dawned on me; she associates me taking her to school with me leaving for a long time. It’s no wonder she was telling me that she didn’t want me to take her to school. She thinks that I’m away for an extended period now. My poor baby. I’ve only taken her to school a handful of times over the past 18 months she’s been in school; all of those times I was on my way out of town. It never occurred to me that she would start connecting the two since they were few and far between.

I was planning on taking her to school for the rest of the week, but I’m not sure what to do now. I might go ahead with it so that she learns that me taking her to school doesn’t mean I’m leaving, but man is it hard to leave her with those tears running down her face.

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